2026-05-11
Adult friendship has its own language. We all speak it. None of us were taught it.
It's mostly built around polite phrases we use to gently lie to each other while still pretending we're going to follow up.
Here's a starter dictionary. If you've ever said any of these, congratulations. You are fluent in adult friendship.
*Idiom.* A phrase used to politely end a conversation with no intention of follow-through.
Most commonly deployed at the end of run-ins at Target, brief small talks at weddings, and Instagram DMs after liking someone's vacation photos.
The "soon" is doing a lot of work in this sentence. The "soon" is fiction.
See also: ghosting.
*Interjection.* An expression of guilt that acknowledges catching up will not occur.
Typically deployed by ex-friends in Instagram DMs after liking 4 of your stories in a row. Comes with a 💕 or a 🥺 emoji at the end. Sometimes both.
The exclamation point is performing emotional labor that neither of you can afford right now.
*Greeting.* Three question marks indicating it has been a minimum of 8 months since you last spoke.
The number of question marks scales with how much time has passed.
One question mark = casual check-in.
Two question marks = it's been a while.
Three question marks = i found you on facebook and i was genuinely curious if you were still alive.
Proceed with caution.
*Phrase.* Non-committal acceptance that gives both parties an emotional escape route.
A masterpiece of plausible deniability. It says yes. It also says maybe. It also says "don't make me actually do this if i don't want to."
Translates roughly to: "we'll see how i'm feeling that day. probably not. but maybe."
If your friend says they're "low key down" assume the plans are not happening unless they confirm twice.
*Phrase.* A polite expression used when you have no actual capacity to give love.
It's the functional equivalent of "thoughts and prayers" but in friendship form. It acknowledges the emotional weight someone just shared with you without committing to any further emotional labor.
You ARE sending love. You're just not sending energy. Or follow-up. Or a phone call. Or showing up.
But the love? Was sent. Don't question it.
*Declaration.* A confession used to preemptively excuse all future ignored messages.
Legally binding for up to 6 months.
The friend who says this will leave you on read for 11 days, then send you a random meme, then disappear for another 3 weeks. They have warned you. You have consented to this dynamic.
This is now your friendship. It's fine.
*Exclamation.* Said after a great hangout, usually never followed up on.
Both parties mean it in the moment. Both parties have great intentions. Then life happens. Schedules don't line up. Someone gets sick. Someone moves. Someone has a kid. The regular thing was never actually scheduled because nobody wanted to be the one to send the calendar invite.
RIP regular thing. You will be missed.
Honestly? We're not bad friends. We're just tired.
Tired of doodle polls. Tired of rescheduling. Tired of doing the part-time job of planning a hangout just to cancel it 3 days later.
That's why we built KrewQuest. It plans the hangout for you. Picks the activity. Matches you with someone who also wants to try the new restaurant, do the sunrise hike, or paint at the park.
You just have to show up.
Less "let's grab coffee soon." More actually grabbing the coffee.
Your bestie is out there. She's tired of speaking adult friendship too. 💜
— Krew